


Bang Bang

by BittersweetMeph



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: M/M, Slight fluff, anger issues, post film events
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-26
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 08:57:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4660458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BittersweetMeph/pseuds/BittersweetMeph
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Illya has anger issues and Napoleon knows it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bang Bang

**Author's Note:**

> **Inspired by**  
>  \- Nancy Sinatra - Bang Bang;  
> \- this amazing work http://archiveofourown.org/works/4642209

When he felt the cold barrel of the gun pressed against the middle vertebrae of his neck, Napoleon knew that it was time to stop or at least to slow down. He might have doubts about his Russian partner but he was sure that Illya could manage that shot.  
“Give it back”, even without turning around Napoleon could feel a heavy gaze on the back of his head that only added up to intimidation from underlying touch of the metal.  
Solo lifted his hand and Illya roughly snatched his father’s watch from the other man’s grip.  
“Never take it again”  
When the threat of being shot decreased Napoleon took his turn to speak.  
“You see, my friend, here’s your problem. You cannot take it calmly”  
“I don’t need to take it calmly” was the response. Illya wasn’t looking in his direction anymore and decided to get back to reading documents for their next mission - the exact occupation that got Napoleon bored in the first place and made him steal the watch as the way of entertaining himself.  
Now he was too distracted to study their mission and saw no choice but to annoy other man because it might as well be amusing. Of course if you know which buttons to press.  
“Yes, you do. I appreciate the disturbance you create while being straightforward as a tank but it is no use for when you are working undercover”, Solo sat on the opposite chair so he could read his interlocutor’s face.  
The reaction was instant although not overwhelming. Illya looked back at him as if he tried to show his unwillingness to speak through his eyes. Napoleon pretended to be suddenly shortsighted and few times less intelligent by raising his eyebrows and putting on the innocent smile.  
“I work as I work”, Illya paused and then continued with a slightly intimidating smirk that gave Napoleon shivers down his spine, not that he would openly admit it, “And if you’re jealous of me not being CIA’s boot licker then keep it to yourself”  
Harsh. But Solo wasn’t offended enough to miss the clenched fist and uncomfortable movement. Illya tried to make him angry because it would be easier to hit and not to think. Well, it must take more than that.  
“It isn’t about me, you see. They may have me but I still have my freedom. And what do you have? Old father’s watch that tie you up to your past. _Rubbish_.”  
The folder containing documents was quickly sent gliding to another end of the table and then fell on the floor. Anger came in waves and was splashing at the temples.  
“Don’t you dare” accent sounded even thicker when Kuryakin was on the edge.  
With one more smile Solo leaned closer and quietly said, “Oh, but I do. And to your acknowledge, you shouldn’t bring with you valuable things that could be easily lost or stolen. It shows how unprofessional you are”  
That was it. Illya lost it. The table was no longer a barrier and now was lying somewhere else probably broken. Kuryakin appeared in front of Solo with his fist flying towards Napoleon's face. But that was the exact reaction Napoleon expected so he managed to catch him arm and twist it. This manoeuvre resulted in Illya hitting the flour with his back and Napoleon sitting on top of him. The anger decreased a little but still was present.  
“Easy, comrade. You have to control it. Rage is good only when you don’t end up in trouble”  
“You do not understand” Illya exhaled loudly. Once again he was looking right into Napoleon eyes. But this time Solo saw something else besides the longing of kicking him painfully. It was despair. Maybe just for a moment, but it was there.  
What could possibly cause this? He didn’t like this power? Or is it taking control over him?  
Napoleon decided that he truly wanted to find this out.  
Luckily, Kuryakin still had his gun with him so Solo took hold of it. Russian agent stiffed under him. But they both knew that Illya could win the fight if he really wanted to and now he was anticipating.  
Solo pointed the pistol at the direction of his face.  
“Self-control is an easy lesson, my friend. And you’re going to get it. Or... I’ll shoot you down”  
Tension started to find its roots in space between two men and had an ambition to grow.  
Illya didn’t believe a word Napoleon said. Shoot him down? Yeah, sure.  
Sudden slap across the face made Kuryakin forget any precautions; he was about to sit when a barrel was pressed into his forehead.  
“No” American agent’s voice was distant yet very demanding. “Breathe”, it sounded more benevolent. Kuryakin inhaled and exhaled slowly. He remained in his position half-lying half-sitting and mostly leaning on his elbows.  
Napoleon pulled the gun away only to give another slap, harder this time. Illya’s face turned to side and he didn’t look back.  
“I need you to know this is a necessary violence. I have no intentions against you. I want to help you”  
The other man seemed to consider it for some time and then gave out a whisper more like a hiss.  
“Пошел к чёрту”*  
Solo managed to catch it and note that it meant something like “Go to hell” before he was pinned to the floor without a pistol in his hand.  
“Hit me one more time, Cowboy, and I will empty this gun right into your head”, Illya’s breath warmly touched Napoleon’s face. Damn, they must’ve looked good, he thought, Kuryakin’s black sweater on top of Solo’s snowy white shirt which now was gathering dust from dark wooden floorboards. And whole picture completed with a dangerous weapon nearby. Gorgeous.  
“Then I won’t”, Solo smiled, once again, “But you can use your passion in other affairs”  
Napoleon pulled his hand out and tenderly captured Illya’s chin.  
“What are you doing?”, Kuryakin got up as fast as he could and without sparing any more glances toward lying man left the room.  
Solo had nothing better to do than sign and start thinking of another plan.

***

They didn’t talk much that day. Fortunately, their safe house perfectly allowed them not to cross paths.  
It was helpful to Illya because he could finally think about what the hell happened previously. Napoleon wanted to kiss him? No. There’s no way he could crawl into his head and see that Illya wasn’t really against that scenario. Kuryakin was just a human after all. With feeling and needs. And he didn’t really care if it was a man or a woman beside him as long as he could rely on this person and sleep without bad dreams at nights. But Solo. Solo was something else. Pretty face made everyone around like him. However Illya always knew that pretty isn’t everything. So what was it that drew him? He knew there was something but he couldn’t put his finger on anything.  
Deciding to put his thoughts in order Illya decided to take a hot shower. Even if didn’t help, he would at least be ready to escape into sleep.  
Still, there was an issue. The house had only one bathroom with a shower and it didn’t have any curtain. This issue was actually useful for Napoleon at the moment when he came into the bathroom while Illya was still there. Perfect timing.  
“Solo, get out!”  
“Feeling uncomfortable?”, he went to the sink and nonchalantly washed his hands.  
Illya didn’t know which side to cover so he ended up half turned to Napoleon. The latter looked at him using the mirror above the sink.  
“Get out!”, if looks could kill, Illya would be the world’s most violent assassin.  
Surprisingly, Solo obeyed and left the bathroom. But what Illya didn’t know yet was that he would soon meet Napoleon again. In his own (well, almost his own) bedroom sitting on his (almost his) bed.  
“What are you doing here?”, Kuryakin had intended to change into dry clothes, but right now he couldn’t even think of an idea of put away a towel from his waist.  
“Experimenting”  
Napoleon lazily abandoned the bed and stoop up. The air thickened slightly more when Solo approached hot and wet Illya. Both of them maintained a tense gaze while being completely mute. Napoleon first broke the silence (or made things worse?).  
“Stop pretending that you’re not fond of me”  
“I have no idea what you are talking about”  
“Do you?”  
Another pause and a heavy unbreakable gaze.  
Kuryakin physically felt how he was mentally shot down. He knew. Solo _knew._  
And to further prove it, Napoleon leaned closer and gently kissed Illya. It was a quick kiss, apparently Solo was making a leap of faith with this move. But he definitely got it, the anger was everything that Illya had, and he understood it. Also Napoleon quickly noted that he could use i his trickto not get kicked more that he deserved. In the end it’s a passion. And all he had to do is to find right moments to apply his companion’s bursts.  
Finally, Illya realized why he was so drawn to this man. It was so pleasant to be shot by Napoleon Solo.

**Author's Note:**

> *"Пошел к чёрту" (Poshel k chortu), or more common version "Иди к черту" (Idi k chortu), literally translates to "go to the imp".   
> But "imp" usually is the same thing as "devil" in Russian although there are mentions of imps in fairytales and folklore. And by saying "go to the devil" you can say "go to hell".  
> Or if you want to bring more emotions to your phrase you can say "Гори в аду" (Gori v adu) - meaning "burn in hell" - which is much much more angry and can't be used as "Иди к черту" because it usually isn't used as a joke but as an actual curse.  
> So, to summarise, "Пошел к чёрту"/"Иди к чёрту" is a light way to swear (and can be used in a joking manner) and "Гори в аду" is much more angry one.  
> The more you know.


End file.
